Last Updated: September 24th, 2006

As I've not received any emails as yet, I really have no basis for creating a frequently asked questions section. Well, other than sounding like a tool. And I have no problem with that.

Tools are handy. They let you do stuff. Also, I've seen them make effective weapons. Not that I'm saying that I'd make an effective weapon, though I suppose I'd make a nifty human shield…

Uh…

Right. A little info in the form of questions. I'll pretend it's Jeopardy, and I'm Alex Trebek. Or would you be Alex… Honestly, it's three in the morning and I don't much care. Be Vanna, see if I care.

Technically this is the Pretend-Asked Questions, so it should be PAQ, which sounds cool, until I think of that God-awful movie where Kevin Spacey ate a banana. That was actually PAX, I think, but it basically sounds the same.

What the hell?
In the beginning, there was God. And it was good. And then there were some chickens, a quarter of Tibet, and eventually mass transit. On the seventh day, there was also Plinko, but that's another story…

Who the fuck are you?
This is a question I'm asked far more than I care for. Because really, is the 'fuck' really necessary? Sure it's fun to say, and sometimes it can make people cry, but really. Think of the children. Mostly I'm asked this by my great-uncle, but he's 98, and I'm pretty sure he suffers from massive dementia. Well, suffered. He died.

Uh... May he rest in peace.

Anyways, my name is Paul Pytlik, chilling out in my igloo in beautiful Canada. I'm currently attending the University of Windsor working towards a Fine Arts degree, after which I'll be heading to college so I'll actually be able to get a job.

Where the hell were you?!!?
I made the mistake of going camping during May two four. While I don't regret my actions, some of the consequences were indeed unfortunate. Several species of indigenous wildlife were… well, let's just say they won't be seen in these parts anytime soon. It's probably a good thing that that UFO eventually meandered by, otherwise most of Southwestern Ontario would have been without reasonable drinking water for a few years. Maybe a chunk of Quebec too.

Anyways, we had fun. The aliens showed me around their hangouts (did you know there's an awesome Aquarium on Neptune? They have these massive sea turtles that quote Seinfeld every time you put Kool-Aid in their tank).

When we got back, they hung out a bit by our fire. We roasted marshmellows and played 'Truth or Dare'. They have no hair, so we took turns braiding each other's genitalia.

What's a Sophist?
A quick tour on Google will answer that.

…What? I never said I'd be ANSWERING these.

Fine. The Sophists were a group of generally smarty pants who went around to places and showed people that they were really smart. This pissed off a lot of people, because people don't like feeling stupid, and they really don't like having it proven using math and logc and stuff. In the end, there was a vast uprising, and that's why we have stupid people and 'Cheese-Wiz' in modern times.

Why did you change the name?
Mostly due to domain issues, in that I wanted to own it and the internet told me no. Plus, I would tell people what the site was called and they would stare at me blankly. I figure this is something much easier to remember and, most importantly, spell. Because if you can't spell llama, you really don't belong on the internet.

Recently on an expedition into the jungles of Wikipedia, I found some troubling information in the depths of Mount Wannahockaloogie. Apparently there's an award, which to quote the Ministry of Wikipedia (I've heard doing so can cause your fingers to fall off), "originated in 2002 as an attempt to celebrate the best films in the rapidly-developing hobby of creating video clips that showcase competitive games." These awards are, unfortunately, called the Golden Llamas. Now, seeing as they have more than one llama, and I only have one, I figure I'm safe.

Yes, the logo here has too, but that's actually the same feller. I mean, seriously, who's side are you on??

Are you aware that this comic once made the ass side of a Baboon look attractive?
Yes, I'm mostly painfully aware of that. I hope to some day be able to look back on that and laugh, rather than worry whether or not it's becoming cancerous.

Why Llama?
I wanted an ideal name, something that was defining of who I am and what I stand for. When that took too much thinking, I remembered that I don't really stand for anything, and definitions are a drag.

Aren't you really just ripping off Maxis?
Basically, yeah. But really, they were just ripping off Moses. So it all evens out.

When do you post?
Whenever I find time and feel like it.

Well, honestly, I'm an art student. I've got all the free time in the world. So it's mostly that last part. Read it back? 'Feel like it?' Yeah, that sounds about right.

Generally I think it's every two days, but sometimes it could be shorter, or sometimes it could be longer. Go figure. It all boils down to what's on TV. After this latest huge break though, I think I'm going to try to stick to a schedule, so if you come back every Sunday, you'll probably see something new at least half the time.

Are you *Name deleted*? Am I?
Yes. Yes I am. There was a time when I said no, but it's been beaten into me (quite literally) that I am yam I am.

To go along with that, there's only one other person currently residing in my personal digital realm who's based on someone I know. I'll leave it to you to decide whether or not it's you. I'll give you a hint though: It's not you.

Generally I just randomly assign words to character's mouths, though recently I've been becoming more true to life.

Why do some of your characters not have names?
They do, but until someone starts a email campaign, you ain't hearing nothing!
Or, you know, until I get around to using them...

How do I get the blue emerald in the special stage of the first Sonic the Hedgehog game for the Sega Genesis?
Once you start the special stage, drop down and follow that path until you reach an opening. You can grab the rings here, with 50 of course earning yous an extra life). You can jump around too. Also, feel free to stay in here and get used to it. Once you get to the opening, you will be in a large room with 4 openings (one being the one you came out of). Go in the one next to the one you came out of without the Goal Blocks. In here, the you will be locked in and you will be in a big room with the emerald in the center. It is surrounded by 3 blocks on each side, all blue. Hit them 3 times to break one open, and you can get into the emerald. Jump around to get it, and you got the Blue Emerald! Congratulations!

Seriously... What the hell?
Refer to above, take two pills, and call it a night

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